There are two reasons why I went through with the move Firstly because I knew that I wasn't sane enough to live by myself (though now I don't care if I go insane again).
The second reason was to please my family, so they could be happy. Now I fear that my family are falling apart. Communication has never been a strong point in my famly, but now it seam that everyone is expecting the other to read their mind. It doesn't effect my sister she's gone in a week. But me, I have to stay here. I have no choice, I have to stay. And I can't ask for help because it would just be another trial on my famliy. Not that I really want help.
I often imagin just packing a bag and running, but for this to have the best effect I only have like 4 times in a day I could do it. I don't know where I would go. Maybe I would just run to die. Be like a cat, just go and find a nice place that I would want to die. And then just sleep. It sound quite a nice idea.
I have nothing really to live for, before I moved I had my job and I was reconecting with my friends. Now I have nothing. My friends, my only safety is 300 miles away. I don't know if I have enough desire to survive for something I might see again. For people who might remember me.
I don't feel like talking very much anymore. I like silence. My sister on the other hand does not. she is constanly humming, tapping or something or other. There is always noise. I don't mind music, I can control music and I can have it reflect my mood. But what other people do does not reflect my mood.
I just wish I were alone... -X-X-
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